How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign – Gemini Horrorscope

Did you just break up with your cynical Aquarius boyfriend of 3 long years? Or are you in the dating scene and wondering why that date with the Taurus hottie was so insanely boring?

Well if that’s the case, you must not have read this book, How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign. This book gives you the darker, funny side of astrology and horoscopes and describes in detail, all the horrible things about the men you date based upon his star sign. It comically explains why the self absorbed Leos always want to be the center of attention and the reason you got suckered by the Scorpio’s smooth-talking, sadistic manipulations.

We’ll begin by highlighting this month’s star sign, the Gemini. Born in between May 22 and June 21, the men born under this sign are said to be possessed with multiple personalities. Here’s an excerpt directly from the book:

Relationships:
Relationships just don’t hold much appeal or a Gemini bastard. The hours are terribly inconvenient. Intimacy is stifling. Monogamy sucks. Rules are stupid. And as for the thought of spending time alone with you –that’s absolutely terrifying. See, you could get too close. Then you’d want to know what’s deep down inside of him. And he’s afraid to show you because he’s not quite sure what’s down there himself. (Our bets are on a primordial black hole.) This is why he’ll prefer to keep you as just an acquaintance. Even after you’re married to him.

But there’s good reason for his behavior: He’s possessed. No, don’t call the exorcist. This isn’t a medieval chant, holy water, and crucifix thing. It’s worse. A Gemini Bastard has many demons-a multitude of personalities living inside him, each of whom qualifies as a bastard in his own right.

How to Intrigue One
Don’t require sympathy. Or consistency. Or fidelity. Or company. Don’t ask where he is going. Or when he might be coming back. Or if he’s coming back. And don’t’ ever ask anything more emotionally demanding than “how are you?” or “Where did you get your shoes?”

If You Dump Him
Gemini will suddenly discover he definitely does have deep feelings for you. Feelings you have hurt. Terribly. Irrevocably. His heart is shattered. His soul destroyed. His life is meaningless. How could you do this to him, you…you…what was your name again?

Taken direction from How to Spot a Bastard by His Star Sign by Adele Lang & Susi Rajah

More info to come on other star signs soon!

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